Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Wednesdays with Words: Thankfulness
This is a very hard story to tell, a very emotional and personal story. I'm turning off comments for this post because I am thankful for the happening and for God's intervention, but I really don't need any recrimination or love or feedback. I'm also not promoting this one anywhere on social media. This is for my people who read anyway. I hope you understand. I hope you have a fantastic Thanksgiving. I am giving thankfulness for the Lord's intervention.
There's recently been some drama in my life. A choice I recently made had repurcussions I didn't expect. It started with a week of mental anguish as I stewed over, self-blamed, and generally convicted myself. Oh, guilt.
No one else seemed to be upset with me or gave me grief about my decision, but we're always hardest on ourselves, right? My pastor was concerned that I might get some catty comments (not a one) - but they were all from my own head.
So that mental script that all of us have - the constant drip of blame and accusation and self-recrimination - I'm pretty sure some of us have it more than others. I have a hard time letting go when I think I've let others down - even when assured that I haven't. That desire for approval stands up to be counted and the guilt just eats until a chasm has opened beneath it. I *know* that my approval is in Christ and that's all I need. I can intellectually assent to that, but sometimes the emotions wrangle that knowledge into dust.
I was stewing in worship. That's the worst, when I can't control the tears and everyone is worried - children, husband, those nearby - because I can't shut off the script.
Finally, I had enough.
I hate that phrase. I try not to use it.
I told my brain, my accusor, to
Shut up. In Jesus' name.
And it did.
This was a couple of weeks ago. And I still haven't gone down that path. If I start to, I'm reminded of what God did to make my brain shut up and it's like a brick wall. There is no path. It's closed off.
So, the words that keep coming back to me: Shut up. Such a weird Wednesdays with Words, but I have felt compelled to share this. To encourage you that He is still at work. That he cares for his people. That he cares for you.
He is good. I am Thankful for a God who protects His people, even from ourselves.
May you have a Blessed Thanksgiving and a wonderful Holiday season. Carol, I know you'll read this - God's richest blessings to you as well.